Waves

washing over my body,

i'm drowning.

for so long

i've been coasting,

sailing,

swimming,

but every once in a while 

the hypochondria takes over

and i think,

“i cant be this happy”

i think,

“something has to go wrong”,

and i catch it again.

i catch it like contagion,

every time i get too close,

i catch it.

every touch,

every kiss,

every lick,

i catch it–

you push me further and further down.

your sadness is being passed through

from you 

to me

like a disease,

and baby it’s terminal

because i would rather die

than see you sick.

i see it in your eyes–

the sadness,

it’s submerging you

and i, 

i’m sinking too,

and I know you’re the anchor but for some reason

i can’t let go.

i lost the feeling in my fingertips

and the fire in my heart,

and you let me…

cause you were too focused on saving yourself

to notice that in doing so,

you drowned me.